22V22 : I Envy the Girls

I’m jealous of the girls.
The ones that live in pleasant pairs,
White apartment walls dotted with color straight from their hearts.
I’m jealous of the girls with steady, girl jobs
New cars, and new clothes, and matching dishes.
I’m not ones of those girls;
Eager to grow up and spread out.
I’m jealous of their flings, and heartbreaks, too -
Life isn’t all candy, but I’d down the bitters just like you
To be anyone but me.
It’s not my torn clothes, old car, or crumbling brown walls.
It’s not about me, and never was.
It’s about you, over there in the light,
With your life full of things I can’t touch.
Your lack of choice that gives you a choice,
And how I see you choose to soar.
Although you cry and go to bed alone each night,
I envy even the silence of your bedroom.
To for once have something wholly mine;
To choose…
That would be a novel thing indeed.